Self-centered, narcissistic people create confusion and chaos for others around them. This is true whether in the family, at work, or in any group they belong to. Since narcissists only believe in the vertical pronoun “I,” they are only self-interested and self-invested in any relationship. They are unaware of this bias as it is unconscious.

They have been trained and shaped to be in this role since infancy. Along with narcissists’ self-referential penchant is their continual plaintive cry for others to do the work in giving them what they want. They do not put out much effort themselves. They make a tremendous hue and cry for others to do their bidding so that they may benefit. So, they will demand many things of many people. Others will work diligently to meet narcissists’ requests but the narcissist will remain rather inert. He or she is good at “demanding” but not good at “doing.”

Another attribute that narcissists have is capriciousness. They change their demands according to their latest whims. A narcissist will demand something and then the next moment may demand the exact opposite be done for him. He sees no inconsistency in his new expectation. He justifies his capricious thoughts by saying, “I changed my mind. I want this now.”

Co-workers and family members become emotionally tied in knots when dealing with narcissists. People around narcissists become exhausted from all the effort they put out trying to accommodate the narcissist’s wishes. These other people also become very confused with narcissists changeability of mind. With no consistency and no predictability others find they are working at cross purposes. They are on an emotional roller coaster.

We all know the narcissistic spouse or friend who commits to be somewhere with us or to do something with us and who changes the whole plan at the last moment and expects us to accommodate to their whim to alter plans with no good reason.

We have also worked for narcissistic bosses who demand extraordinary effort from us – working late and working nights and weekends – for a pet project they want done. Then when you turn the project in these bosses will not want that particular project done anymore. They will have changed their mind. And, they will be upset with you for not reading their minds.

It is no wonder confusion reigns around narcissists. They abdicate effort and are whimsical, leaving to others to pick up the pieces and be frustrated and exhausted in the process.

Do you function this way? Or do you know a narcissistic person who creates chaos around him or her?

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