We have an abundance of selfish, undisciplined children in our society. But, what about children who are well-disciplined, unselfish and achieving well? We all have some of these in our families. They are obedient, compliant, agreeable, mostly reserved and rule-abiding, our “no trouble” children. More and more they make up the minority of our children. They do not require much attention. They are our “good babies,” “teacher’s pets” and “good achievers.”

If parents create unruly, selfish children by a failure to discipline them and mean, “no,” when they say it, how do parents mold these other compliant and conscientious children? We have found they do childrearing differently of these children. The very same parents will expect compliant children to adhere to rules, to think of others first rather than themselves, and to respond in changing their behaviors when told, “no.” Such parents discipline and guide this type child, sometimes too much. If too much is expected, this type child becomes overwhelmed by other’s expectations, cares too much for others, follows rules too closely, has low self-esteem, and receives little recognition during his lifetime, although he is often a hard worker.

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