Is every episode of disagreement with your significant other a déjà vu for you? Are you visiting the same arguments, territory and discussions again and again? Does nothing change from the first time you had conflict? Why is this and what does it mean for self-understanding and understanding your mate?

It may indicate that you and your spouse have different ways of seeing and thinking about the world at large and your relationships in particular. People do think differently, even oppositely. And, opposite-type thinkers and personalities do gravitate toward one another. It would be like one person speaking Greek and the other Russian. One does not understand what the other is saying or thinking. While each has language and an opinion the differences cannot bridge the gap for the other to comprehend.

It can also indicate the difficulty with making changes. People become accustomed to doing and thinking in set ways. They think their way is correct and resist thinking about new ideas and actions they might take. Thus a spouse who asks the partner to clean up the kitchen and take out the trash on a regular basis may not be understood by the partner. The partner may see the kitchen as fine and not needing to be cleaned and the trash as not needing to go out. So, the partner does what he or she thinks is best by his (or her) standard and not by what the spouse originally requested. Brouhaha ensues as each fails to understand the what and why of the other one’s thoughts. This scenario repeats endlessly.

Has this happened to you? How do you try and resolve the conflict?